You ain't got to go home, but...

Dear My Momma Says,

Financially, times are getting tough for my mom. Especially now that she’s older. She’s single and has always worked low-skilled jobs. But she did what she had to, to raise my sister and me. To ease the burden I offered to have her move in with me - rent free. But now that she’s moved in, she’s brought along habits I can’t stand. Chiefly, her smoking habit. I’m not sure how to approach this without offending or hurting the woman who gave everything to raise me right. Please help!

As If

Stefan Says...

If this is going to work, I suggest you tackle the problem head on. Talk to your mom, establish some house rules. And it’s your place, so when it comes down to it, you are the boss. If mom can’t quit smoking, let her know she has to take it outside. No exceptions. You mention smoking is the main issue. For other habits getting in the way of your comfort, see what you can compromise on and what you can’t. You may find that it’s best to help mom out financially with a place of her own.

My Momma Says...

First, you're to be commended for providing for your mom as she faces tough financial times. But let's be clear. Your primary responsibility is to yourself and your family. Even if you live alone, your quality of life should be at the highest level you can maintain. That doesn't include coming home to a smoke filled environment. Your mother , most likely, understands this also and continues to want the best for you. Explore the possibility of subsidized Senior Housing. Contact a service provider in your area such as the United Way . They will assess your mom's financial status and provide a list of possible options. Perhaps your sister can pitch in and between the two of you provide enough assistance to help your mom get her own place. A loving relationship means that both people are happy and their life style choices are respected.