Birds of a Feather?

I have a friend that I’ve known since 2nd grade. We’ve been through thick and thin together. She was my shoulder to lean on when my sister died in a freak accident and I supported her and helped her move on from an abusive boyfriend. We’re both in our mid 20’s and love to party and hang out together but the problem is she’s got a bad reputation as a gold digger. I’m probably one of her only ‘real’ friends. I’m worried other people, especially men, think I’m just like her because we hang together. I am not. I like good guys who are just trying to be about something positive. I don’t want the same reputation as my friend, but I’m worried that I’m guilty by association. Is this a friendship I should end?

Stefan Says...

It’s hard to find a real one - a friend you can truly count on. Has this friend ever stabbed you in the back or hurt you? Does she put your personal business out on the street or flirt with your boyfriends? If not, why would you risk losing her over what strangers may think of you and your friendship. Your genuine character will always shine through to those who really matter. If someone judges you for who you hang with versus who you really are, do you really want them in your life in the first place? Perhaps the question is, how "real" of a friend are

you?

My Momma Says...

I have one question for you: Is your friendship with this person based on a long-standing relationship that you enjoy and from which you have benefited, or on the perceptions of others? From your letter it would appear the answer is the former. While it may have been less consequential in your younger years to have a friend who was an outlier, it appears this friend provides you with solid support and allegiance -- two hard to find traits in any relationship. You don't have to invite her to every social gathering you attend, or be her constant plus one. Find times to be with your friend where the TWO of you can "hang": coffee shop on Saturday mornings; drinks at the corner bar after work. This way, you can enjoy all the aspects of your friend that has kept her on your "A List" this far without fretting ( and rightfully so ) about your rep. The thing to remember is to honor what you have received ( and hopefully given) from this relationship.