Double Dutch?

My boyfriend and I enjoy going out on double dates with his best friend and his girlfriend. We have fun each time whether it’s bowling, skating, going to the movies, out to dinner, you get the point. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is what happens whenever it’s time to pay. My guy always pays for both of us. His best friend however always goes dutch with his girlfriend. Not only does that make me respect his best friend a little less, it make me feel bad for the girlfriend and it makes me worry that my boyfriend may be harboring questions about me pitching in. Is this a conversation to have with my boyfriend or should I just leave things as they are.

Stefan Says:

Mind your business! I mean honestly, is it any of your concern. The other couple seems comfortable with their set-up being they've gone dutch in front of you and your guy on several occasions. If they have no problem with it, I wouldn't make it one. If you want to ask your boyfriend about it, and see if he has any issue with how you two currently handle paying for date nights, that's your prerogative. But if it's not broke, I wouldn't try to go fix it. (Full disclosure: I was grumpy when I wrote this.)

My Momma Says:

Sometimes, when we’re confused or, as you put it, uncomfortable, it can be helpful to step back and examine our values and assumptions as we get a clearer picture of the situation and determine our next steps. You say it makes you uncomfortable when the couple you’re out with “goes dutch” on the check. You also say this causes you to respect your boyfriend's best friend less. Let's examine these statements. You’re making a couple of assumptions here. 1.) The people in the relationship assuming individual financial responsibility for a debt are wrong, at worst, exhibiting bad taste, at best. And 2.) The male in this relationship made the decision.

You can see the fallacies of both these assumptions. While your value system may dictate other social norms, such as the male always picking up the check and if he doesn’t the female should be pitied. These responses are just that: reflections of your values. That doesn’t mean they are good or bad values, just yours. And, as such, you are free to apply them to yourself and your relationships. But get ready to be confused and frustrated when you attempt to apply them to others.